…

If I could throw away what I feel, If I could rip it,
I would.

be tougher

I don’t care even if it is here and there, I just don’t.
Take away your sanity for you are to be nowhere.
get some clothes and cover all this trash u threw
take it all , take it all or else you just chew, whatever!

for you have loved and tried to be tough.be tougher.
for you have spilled and and not anywhere further.
Just take it all

Chemical Rom(once)

Just off of a beach called Balangan with two close friends. And it was so much fun.

Wondering if I had gone there with , lets say; a long term so- called-relationship partner.

Will it be like so much more fun than I and friends just had? I doubt it.

Last time, we went to a cafe to hang out as a -pfft- couple.

It turned out, he opened his laptop and said; ”I need to get online, I haven’t for hours”

– I held my tears not to burst… I just couldn’t. 

 

And some weeks ago, I went to some restaurant around Kuta with three elder married guy. And they saw a couple making out then they laughed. One of them said; “I bet they weren’t married couple!”

haha! yeah I guess a quite long term relationship couples wouldn’t have done that in public, I bet !

boring, isn’t it… i mean, the making out and all that stuffs. 

 

 

a better idea

This very moment, I could not come up with a better idea or even a messier one.
It is like kept everything in the storage, then every now and then served in a very merry way.
Wrapped. neat and pleasant.
And when it served, I just have to relish.
swallowing it passing my throat
then contented.
yeah it is the right word.
contented, yet in a very disconsolate way.

It is just about time. I’m fully abundant. too much.

o that!

A long time ago like seven or eight years back I recalled a guy told me: “Cant we just become partner without any so called status and or legal commitment or whatsoever? So we don’t need to live together, we don’t need to be committed to each other, you can do your thing, I can do mine, … you have your own life, I have mine and then we can meet sometimes, I come to your place, you cook for me and we watch TV , well not actually seeing the TV though. Then next weekend, or other sometimes you can come to visit my place and do the same thing; I will cook “kangkung” for you.”
Haha … I did not agree about the concept, so I moved on my life and so did he – not exactly the reason – haha*
Now after seven or eight years, I think, the concept nails down through my head. I would love to be in that kind of simple yet intricate idea now. I am kind of thinking how naïve I was and stupid since I told him that; “what a mind’s eye! It is not me though”.
Now I consent him, I mean his idea, his concept.
It is genius! You have someone to watch movie with, to cook meals sometimes, and to have dinner with.
That nails my mind now.

? ?

Little did you know how crazy this sense. Could it be possibly wreck someday or even now it has done very well I know nothing more about the sparkle.
I fell, got up and again… went down.
It took me 20 minutes, or even hours to see the screen before I started writing. Well, maybe it was days I don’t write. I don’t know,
I don’t count.
I don’t write… what the hell was I doing ???.
I’m a bit concerned to myself. I am normal and I don’t want anything too much or less. I want everything or nothing, I can’t tell. See! I am really worried now about myself.
I drive myself crazy…. I ate enough, I drank beer sometimes, I went to the beach too, I wanted a puppy months ago. I desperately need something I cannot describe since it is concretely abstract!
I had some good times … I avoided bad times, I cried sometimes and I laughed out loud … a lot.
I hate corruptors yet … I just don’t care. I would love to write down something, I would love to tell good stories with every excitement involved. Until now, I don’t have time.
I think a lot … but I don’t want anything. I think I don’t want anything.
No good…

Patterned

I’ll call you…

Ok.

1hr… 2hrs… 10 hrs… 15 hrs…

no ring, it just…rings a bell!

ambiguous

it is. something between the line of the contrary. the anger that leaves off madness.
well …
I cannot tell how it is dripping, believe me it does not stop.
alright.

*sigh

I’m truly vexed…
going through the same bridge and wrecked it the same way.
it is away irrational for me to comprehend. even eyes told me so. it makes no sense.
the throat keeps saving all those sores

getaway…little while…
need THAT !
im. serious.

that page.

The page that I looked made me got choked.

I cant, for sure, but i will. the hatred covers me so close.

just get out ! please, from my life?!